morethan084 | IC inbox for Deerington

I don't know!

[ He makes the gesture like he's trying to shove his hands into jean pockets, but of course he's wearing sweatpants, so it just makes the whole thing more awkward. ]

I hate that I hurt you.

You know what really hurt?

[Spoiler alert: It wasn't him physically attacking her.]

The fact that you've been ignoring me for the past month.

[ He can't quite make eye contact after that and he looks down, hands twitching at his sides. ]

I could have killed you. I really could have--I don't know what I would do if I killed you.

But you didn't, Bucky.

[And maybe the only reason she wasn't dead was because of Pete, but does that really need to be said?]

That wasn't you and I know that. I'm not mad at you for what happened. I gave you your space, but do you know how hard it was to not reach out to you?

[She really doesn't want to cry again over this whole thing. Especially in front of him.]

You're the person I go to, to talk about these things. But this time I couldn't.

I spent more than half of my life doing things I had no say over. Losing control like that just felt so much like all of that.

[ He still has vivid dreams of punching Steve to death on his worst nights. He wakes up covered in sweat and half unsure if it was real. ]

I thought I was safe to be around now and then I just lost it.

And I can't pretend to imagine what that's like, but I don't blame you for what happened.

[Because Skye assumes that's a big reason for the way he feels. The guilt.]

I still trust you, Bucky.

Maybe you shouldn't.

[ He looks up, searches out her gaze. ]

I don't know how to protect anyone from me.

Well too bad.

[He should know better than most here just how stubborn she can be. She won't give up on Bucky that easily.]

I miss you, Bucky. I just want things to go back to the way they were before all of this happened.

[Skye is well aware of how selfish that sounds.]

I miss you, too.

[ It's hard to say. He's really not the best when it comes to his own feelings, but he's missed his friend. She's one of the people he wants to talk to first about anything here and he's not sure what to do without that, especially not when Steve keeps showing up and disappearing again. ]

I'm sorry.

Don’t.

[The lack of any kind of contact was terrible and she wishes he would’ve come to her, but she understood why he didn’t. She hopes she’s not pushing her luck by reaching out in an attempt to embrace him.]

[ There's a moment when he really hesitates and then he just sighs and reaches out to pull her closer into a hug. This part he can do. He's much better at this part. ]

I might be an idiot.

[As soon as his arms are around her, Skye embraces him tightly. At his comment about himself Skye can’t help but laugh a little, although it’s muffled into his shoulder.]

I’ve known that since I met you.

[She really isn’t ready to let go of him, but she probably should.]

Are we okay?

[Because, yes they’re hugging, but she needs to hear him say it.]

I don't know.

[ He's not letting go, either. He's missed this so much. They've been friends for a while now and she's been such a steady friend and on Valentine's, he'd thought--maybe it's best not to go there right now. Just focus on their friendship first. ]

I hope so.

I want us to be.

[Skye admits this as she pulls from the hug with some hesitation.]

You know, after I almost killed Steve, I avoided him for two years, so I'd say I'm learning and growing as a person.

[ And though the smile he gives her is awkward, it's there. ]

[Skye is well aware that HYDRA had messed with his mind, but she somehow hadn't thought of the possibility that he would've been used to hurt Steve.]

You what?

They sent me after him in the end. He wouldn't fight back. I was starting to remember him and he wouldn't fight back. I almost killed him. I probably could have and he would have let me. I didn't even know who Bucky Barnes was. I just knew I'd seen his face before and he refused to fight.

[ He almost starts wringing his hands thinking about it. ]

After that, I finally got away. Spent two years hiding in Europe and trying to get my memories back.

Hey.

[Skye speaks softly as she reaches out in an attempt to put her hand on his arm.]

We don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to.

[ Bucky doesn't want to talk about it, really. He doesn't want to talk about any of this, but he should. He kind of has to, so he just moves closer and doesn't pull away from the touch. ]

I don't want to hurt the people I care about the most.

[Skye runs her hand up and down his arm in an effort to comfort him, but then she's looking to the floor, and is pressing her lips together to keep from saying anything stupid. It's not far fetched for her to believe that she matters to him, but it still makes her heart begin to race. Especially when she's reminded of what happened on Valentine's Day, right before everything went down hill.

Finally she makes eye contact with him again.]

You won't, okay? I'm fine.

[ He leans in until his forehead is resting gently against hers. Letting himself be close to people is still something he's getting used to. He's had such an urge to run away from people who start to get too far past his walls. ]

I really want to believe you.

[Inhaling sharply when his forehead presses against her own, Skye has to close her eyes because otherwise he would be able to see that maybe she isn't "fine". Not completely anyway. She can feel her face growing warm because she's acutely aware of just how close he is to her right now.

She could continue to try and convince him or she could...

Eyes still closed she tilts her head up slightly in an attempt to brush her lips against his, giving him the chance to back away if he wants to. But she really hopes he doesn't.]

[ He doesn't back away. Instead he presses forward to meet her with a gentle press of his lips. It's pretty chaste given the fact that they're both grown adults, but then it feels like it's a lot more about affection than anything else right now.

Bucky had said that he cares about Skye and he'd meant it. She's important to him. They've been through a lot together here. ]

[Skye had feared that what happened that night had been a fluke, so when he kisses her she’s beyond relived. With very little hesitation on her part, she’s reaching up to cup the side of his face. The last thing she ever wants is for their friendship to be ruined, but it’s so easy for her to push those worries to the back of her mind right now.]

[ Bucky smiles into the kiss, almost laughing at he pulls back. ]

You know you're kissing an idiot, right?

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morethan084 - 2019-04-18 06:10 (UTC) - Expand

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lednikovyy - 2019-04-19 04:45 (UTC) - Expand